... not again!

It so happens that people that you care about can: punch you, kick you, shoot you, stab you, hurt you, KILL YOU... but what really hurts, what really leaves you down on the floor with no hopes of ever coming back, is a disappointment.
Through time I have been disappointed over and over again while I try to be as best as I can and live up to be the best guy everyone can ask for; it's not easy, and sometimes I just don't fucking care about anything else but me, but to be honest I get little complain... actually so little that I could say that I get no complains, but I don't want to brag. I only ask one thing in return: why can't those that know that can bring me down, like I just said I have been brought down, behave? Is it really so hard??

Why do I even bother??

Metallica
Until Sleeps

Past, Present, Future.

There are several novels and a role playing game that is based on a fictional world named Kryn (DragonLance in case you have not figured out by now), and there lived Raistlin Majere (lets just call him Raist), the most kick ass guy ever. This all powerful mage had but one flaw, and that flaw was what made him so powerful: He was the Master of Past and Present! In the future Past, a wizards named Fistandantilus sent his essence into the future and possessed Raistlin, which gave Rasit the the ability to develop a power beyond imagination.
Later, Rasit traveled in time and took on Fistandantilus and absorbed him while he was still alive! It was like being two times a powerful as you can be! But with all that power and shit he still could not escape his past. Since he became Fistandantilus, he became destined to die and go forth in time to fin himself (Raist) and be lock in a never ending circle.

Why am I telling you this? To see what happens when you stop living for today while thinking about the future and start living in the past and thinking that the past is the answer to your problems and the root of your curses.
See the past is just that: PAST... you can't do shit about it because, unless you have a time machine (in which case you'll have to let me borrow it, I wanna meet hide), you CAN'T change your past! The only thing you can do with that is learn from it. Period.
On the other hand you have the present, that thing which you are living now. You can screw the present big time if you decide to live in the past, because the past it's a bitch... it wont let you go.
Then we have the future... all we can do about that is get ready for it learning from the past, the hard part is that no one knows what awaits us in the future, unless you have a time machine (in which case you'll have to let me borrow it; I wanna know who wins the Euro2008 and then make some bets).

Bottom line is: you have to own you past, you can't let your past own you. It's the same thing with money: when you own money, you are wealthy; when money owns you, then you are just greedy and that sucks.

Thank you Heavy Metal.

This is a post in which I will show you how is it that heavy metal makes our lives better.
Here is the Japanese opening of a well knonw tv show: Mazinger Z or Tranzor Z in North America... Why do you have to go and screw up such a cool name like Mazinger??? How do you name the Mazinkaiser, Tranzorkaiser?? Stupid.
Anyway here is the vid:


Now here is the same video, but this time the song is performed by Animetal, a Japanese Heavy Metal band wich makes covers out of Japanese tv shows


See?? I rest my case, Heavy Metal is not only good, it is a blessing.

Head Ache

I have a massive headache that's been killing me all day long... lack of sleep I guess, my mom wanted me to drive her someplace early in the morning and after being up and awake I could not go back to sleep when I got home.
The thing is that the last time I got a head ache like this was actually about a week ago. I had a system breakdown due to some heavy thinking and I was not able to go to bed until like 4 am or so, and then I had to wake up early because my dad needed some stuff done... so I had no like "no time to sleep"... I mean, I did have the time... I just couldn't and then I had to do some stuff, see?? But the is not the point, the point is the headache that I got that time...
I got a headache for being up late... doing what? Well I was thinking. I could have just overlooked the matter but I just couldn't. Why? Because it was about me facing one of my greatest fears.

I once saw a movie in which one of the character said: "A man who fears nothing is a man who loves nothing...". Well there you go, I once was fearless because I had nothing to lose. Today I do have something to lose, and to lose that would be losing the most important thing in my life and the greatest thing that have ever happened! So I'm afraid, so to speak... but I don't want to be afraid; to live in fear is worst than fear itself in my opinion, and long ago I decided not to be afraid in life so that I could live it fully.
But the guy from the movie also said "... and what joy there is in life for a man that loves nothing??". So there you go, I once was bitter and I don't wanna go back to that...

What to do? I decided to live my life not with fear but with caution, and in order to do that I will need to face every fear that I might have. It is the hard way, I know... It would be easier to just turn my back and walk away from that but then I wouldn't be happy.
So I'm taking the hard way and by doing that I know that I will make several heads to ache, starting with mine, but it's the path I've chosen and I need this in order to feel in peace with me... So what I'm trying to say is that, if one day I give any of you a headache because of my silly way of living life please forgive me; and if I have already gave anyone such a headache I am really sorry... It has never been my intention to hurt anyone.
Now, despite my headache, I am going to read one of those new books I've got waiting.

Lyrics?
Nah... I'll start a new tradition. From now on it's gonna be videos at the end of my posts.
Anthem - Immortal Bind

Ten Years....

... since his death.
Today, more than usual, we remember.


This was taken on May the 1st of 1998, the day before he died.