Questions

A long time ago I made myself a question, and that question was: Why do I even bother?

You see, I've lived all my life with a simple but strict code of conduct. I've tried to be the better man, always... Where has that led me? Well... Someone please answer. It wasn't a rhetorical question, I was actually asking you.
Back then the world was a very different place for me, I had RPGs, music, nakamas, rage, a jar of paint and crimson red lips. Back then I thought myself the better man. Recently I've been led to believe that perhaps I was mistaken. I've given out so much, to my friends, to my family, to people I don't even know; and what have I gotten in return? I have endured, sometimes silently, other rather loudly, so much, just for the sake of living in peace, and for what? I have tried to be a decent man in an indecent world and I have accomplished nothing. I have tried to be a pleasant man, and I have learned that the only way to life this life is the pirate way: take all what you can, give nothing back.

Back then I had an answer for my question... Today I have shit.
Why do I even bother? Why should I even try? I can't think of anything. Things have changed, they're not what they used to be, but that's not what bothers me. What bothers me, what fills me with emptiness, is the fact that there is nothing left for me; so why bother? I bet it all, I went all in, and I lost. I was wrong. I was living a dream. Sucks.