Listen here, n00b!!

In the word of Marshall Mathers:

Guess who's back? Back again...
Guaji's back! Tell a friend!

Heheps 

I've created a monster, 'cause nobody wants to see Eduardo no more

They want Guaji, I'm chopped liver
Well if you want Guaji, then this is what I'll give ya
A little bit of hate mixed with some hard liquor!!

This time I am back to talk about what pisses me off; yes, my dearies, this is in fact That PIsses Me Off the XVth!! Gather round, because I gonna do what I do best: spit fire. 

Today's topic: You.... Well, not exactly YOU... unless of course it's "you" reading, in which case, yes, it's about you. 

Lately I've been having kind of a situation over and over again. It is not really constant, like an everyday thing, it comes and goes. But it's become really annoying. You see, I've spent my entire adult life following a very simple yet very strict code of conduct: Bushidou. Why? 2 reasons: 1.- I don't like people in funny hats telling me what to do. 2.- I'm stupid like that. So if I'm to follow this code I will need to be honest all the time, right? After all, "A Samurai's words and his actions are one and the same. To 'promise' to do something would be redundant". Growing up I took that, as well as everything else in that code, very literally. So I got screwed a lot. And after a while I figured that I cannot live exactly like that because that code was meant for other times... One has to adapt... I can't go dueling people every time I'm offended, for example. So I will be honest, yes... But the code says nothing about answering all your goddamned questions.

Before long I mastered de art of avoiding questions that I do not want to answer. And, for reasons I will not discuss here, I also learned the art of masquerading myself. Because If the eyes tell one thing and the mouth tells another... Well an old man would smack one of the two with his walking stick, right?.

You can't try to get inside my head, you will fail. Not saying you are a worthless piece of shit, I'm just saying that I have spent some 15 years learning to mask my thoughts and emotions, learning to control my body language, to carefully pick each and every word that comes out of my mouth, and so far no one has been able to read me. Not my parents, not my past girlfriends, not even professional analysts. And if everything else fails I can just decide not to give a damn and shut my mouth.

So you've read a book or two about the subject, so you say you're good with details, so you say you know about semantics and syntax and whatnot.... So what? In the immortal words of James Hetfield: SO FUCKING WHAT?!? 

People more qualified than you have tried and failed, crashed and burn; believe me it's not the most desirable thing in life, I often feel misunderstood, AND WITH GOOD REASON. More often than not I get to hear people say shit like "I understand, you don't have to explain it again", but the truth of the matter is that, I DO, because I need to make 200% sure that the people that need to get my meaning, well, GETS my fucking meaning. That is why when I try to explain myself I often take forever, or write very extensive mails to do so, because it's past the point where I can control it; it's not something I can do, it's who I am. And to be honest I like my shell. It's kept me safe before, why the fuck should I lower that for you? Who the fuck are you to begin with? A spoiled brat with bad manners who gets pissed when you don't get things to go your way? A wannabe stalker? Someone desperately trying to get attention trying to find a meaning to my words? 

Listen here n00b: Quit it. Look at this here, February 2007, and still no one knows what the fuck that means, except of course the people that I decided to tell. So quit it. Because you.... you..... well Jon fucking Snow knows more than you.

Lyrics.

Holier Than Thou - MetallicA

NO MORE!!!

The crap rolls out your mouth again,

Haven't changed, your brain is still gelatin.

Little whispers circle around your head,

Why don't you worry about yourself INSTEAD!!!

Who are you? Where ya been? Where ya from?

Gossip burning on the tip of your tongue.

You lie so much you believe yourself,

Judge not l'est ye be judged yourself

Holier than thou

You are

Holier than thou

You are

You know not

Before you judge me take a look at you,

Can't you find something better to do?

Point the finger, slow to understand

Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand.

It's not you are, it's who you know.

Others lives are the basis of your own,

Burn your bridges and build them back with wealth!

Judge not l'est ye be judged yourself

Holier than thou

You are

Holier than thou 

You are

You know not

Yeah who the hell are you?

Hey yo

Holier than thou

You are

Holier than thou

You are

You know not

NOT!!!

Winter is comming to an end...

The War is almost over and I want to take time to talk about the Quarter Final rounds, although really there isn't much to talk about... But a man's gotta rant, so here it is.

Germany - France
People have told me that it was a boring game. Well, to be honest, the quarter finals were kind of dull in comparison with last round; but really I do not think the game was boring because it was a game that was played cautiously in which Germany went to counter everything France threw at them. It wasn't spectacular, but they both played well. 6 shots on goal for Germany, 9 for France, 50%/50% ball possession - it was a good game. However, seems to me that Germany was not playing at 100%... Maybe it was the flu, maybe they were lousy, maybe they were saving strength. We'll see.

Argentina - Belgium
Another very even match. Argentina went ahead early on with a beautiful goal by Higuain, who really needed to score a goal, because come on... He was having a pretty shitty War. Belgium showed that they are not just lucky, they're good! And what's more, they're young. Next time they'll not only be a surprise, they'll be scary.

Netherlands - Costa Rica
Good thing Costa Rica lost. Seriously, I'm glad. I was tired of having to listen to people say that they deserve this or that... They didn't deserve to win. In the round of 16, goalkeepers shone like never before! 82 saves in 8 matches - Tim Howard alone kept the ball from going in 16 times! That's a record, btw. out of those 82, do you know how many saves belong to Karnezis? None. And how many saves do you think that the Netherlands Goalkeeper scored in the quarter finals? Lemme tell you: just one. You can't win a match like that, Costa Rica got what they deserved: a tie. They go home unbeaten, boys that's something to be proud of, but van Gaal and his boys are the one that deserve to be on the next round.

Brazil - Colombia
I really didn't wanted to talk about this but... I just can't keep my mouth shut. Yes, the ref have sucked and everyone has been affected by them, but the amount of times that the referees have favoured Brazil is so high that it has stopped to seem like a coincidence, and is starting to look like a conspiracy of sorts. Since the start of the match Fernandinho was on James's back, foul after foul, and he never saw a yellow card. James on the other hand was booked when he first fouled a man, in the second half that is. Julio Cesar's foul? That's a penalty and red card! "Bye-Bye man, wish your team good luck against Germany"! But no, he "lived to tell the tale". That goal that was called of side? That is very questionable! The ref did not call it offside as the ball traveled, he did it when the ball was already on the ground with all the chaos that followed. So, if the Colombians were indeed offside, why wait? Was he really waiting to see what would happen? Because if he didn't call the offside when the ball was in the air and then the ball hit David Luis, as it did, that means that everything that followed was allowed, including Yepes's goal. That is one mystery for the ages. And as far as I've read, FIFA congratulated the referee for his great performance and is a strong candidate for the Final Match. Mighty Cthulhu, please do not let this come to pass. Anyhow, Brazil won, and even with the ref supporting the home team they might have beaten Colombia but, without Thiago, Neymar their chances against Germany are lower; and if Julio Cesar had been expelled, those chances would have been lower still... Not counting the numerous yellow cards he should have shown. So can you see why I say that it is starting to seem a bit fishy?

Round of 16

I'm an atheist, but I have no idea how to explain how fucking awesome this 8 games were! I can no longer keep cool an talk about wars and Houses and Banner men. No battle holds more glory than this, this is the World Cup! 5 games ended up having extra time, 2 of them ended in PK!

First day was:
Brazil vs Chile and Colombia vs Uruguay.
Colombia won, fair and square. Actually the only "boring" game. Columbia clearly dominated Uruguay, who felt the absence of Suarez. Great game by Colombia and James, who is as of now, and by far, the best player in the cup.
Brazil - Chile? it was the first heart stopping game. Chile gave it all.... ALL!! And, I don't want to be mistaken with a hater... I hate Brazil, but the game ended up tied to 1 only because of and own goal. The penalty kicks were terrible to watch, so much tension! Julio Cesar's great performance got Brazil ahead and now they're in the quarter finals

Second day:
Netherlands vs Mexico and Costa Rica vs Greece
Mexico fought like they're never fought, and lost like always. Very awesome game, but the decisions from Mexico's DT fucked the game for his players. You cannot score a goal, a very awesome goal I might add, and just lay back and wait for the game to end! The Netherlands on the other hand fought for it, until the end. And finally a PK decided the game.... BTW, that foul DID existed. Robben exaggerated, yes, but it was a PK.

Then Costa Rica, honestly disappointed me. I hoped to see an awesome game, but the truth of the matter is that Greece did absolutely nothing! Even when Costa Rica scored, they did NOTHING! Only like the last 15 minutes did Greece went for it, and son of a bitch, they did score... I hate these guys squeezing into everything competition. Anyhow, Costa Rica won in the PKs

Third day:
France vs Nigeria and Germany vs Algeria
France fought for it! They weren't, you know, great... they were actually kind of lousy, but they went for it; they never stopped trying and in the end they won the match.
Germany on the other hand... They pissed me off. Yes, Algeria neutralized their game, but then they forgot that there can be other options. All they did was pass the ball amongst themselves, they forgot that they could have shot from mid-distance, they could have tried to take advantage of players with great header skills such as Muller and Klose. And the line of defence sucked! How many times did Neuer had to go out of the area to kick the ball out!? Anyhow they won 2 -1 after extra time.

Fourth day
Argentina vs Switzerland and Belgium vs U.S.A.
Belgium played wonderfully, finally we're getting to see these boys play the way we expected them to play, what a game. they finished the 1st half of the extra time 2-0 over U.S.A. with a great performance by Lukaku who went in and brought fresh legs to Belgium's offence. But the Yanks never gave up, they scored one hell of a goal, one of the best so far in my opinion, and they were close to equalize the game a couple f times more. Great game.
Argentina on the other hand. Wow. What a game. The first half was kind of boring to be honest, seemed like they were sizing each other's strength, but starting on the second half we had one of the most exiting games I've ever seen in my life Argentina was pushing hard, and Switzerland made wonderful counter attacks, every time they went up against Romero all of Argentina trembled. Finally after 118 minutes of suffering Di MAria scored a goal.... Words cannot explain what I heard from Pablo Giralt, who works for DirecTV Sport... Here's the clip.

And the emotion all over Buenos Aires will never be forgotten.... Listen to this...

I really hope that these quarter finals are as exiting as the Round of 16 

Winter is Here...

...And what a War we've had so far!

People said it's been full of surprises, but really, to me there's only been 2 Group D and Group H.
The preliminary phase is over, 16 armies must now head back home, and enjoy the rest of the War in the comfort of their homelands.

The next events, starting this weekend, are as follows...

Saturday:
House Canarinho will face House La Roja, and later House Cafeteros will face House Charrua.
What can I say. It's kind of sad that, out of 5, 4 CONMENBOL armies will face each other in this round. Feels like a qualifying round. House Canarinho has the home field advantage, but House La Roja is not to be taking lightly, after all "la wea esta fome qliao wea!". House Cafeteros is a powerhouse and House Charrua will go to battle without it's prime banner man, Luis "OMNOMNOM" Suarez.

Sunday:
House Oranje will face House Tri and House Ticos will face House Ethniki.
Well House Oranje's 2 biggest banner men (Cabeza de Rodilla and The Flying Dutchman) are on fire, And The Ticos are a sight to behold, one of the 2 surprises this war have given me. I'm even gonna bother talking about House Tri, and as for the Greeks: Fuck them. The squeezed their way in, yes - But they DO NOT deserve to be here.

Monday:
House Les Bleus will face House Super Eagles and House Nationalmannschaft will face House Greens (I tries, but never found the pronunciation in Arabic)
Les Blues are always powerful opponents, but the terrain in Brazil might work in favor of House Super Eagles. And the same can be told about the other battle that will take place that day.

Tuesday:
Finallu House Albiceleste will face House Schweizer Nati and House Red Devils will meet House Yanks.
The Albiceleste's banner man is on fucking fire but on the group stage they didn't face any true opponents. House Red Devils have a young Army but can they stand up to The Yanks and their more experienced army? Can they outmatch a great General such as Klinsmann?

That Pisses Me Off, Part XIV

Lately I have seen a lot of people on the internet trying to be philosophers, and when I say trying I mean failing miserably; specially children! 13 year old brats trying to give life lessons and everything! The arrogance! But that is not the problem - it takes a different, much more powerful kind of mamahuevo to to unnerve me; right, Ale? The problem with this new brand of free thinkers and philosopher is not that they actually believe themselves to be wise beyond their age, is that they think that they are wise beyond YOUR age as well.

I do not want to underestimate anyone, man, I respect everyone and I have absolutely no idea what they've been through to obtain such alleged wisdom... BUT... Neither do they know what I've been through! Because if my friends, CLOSE FRIENDS, like Ale, Panda, Napo and Chino have no clue what has happened in my life (except for whatever short stories I've told them), then these Cyber-Nietzsches surely are in complete ignorance. So, what happens when you try to look all mighty and wise? You look stupid.

"Guaji, what did you just called me?"

Stupid. I called you stupid! If you behave like stupid person would, if you talk like a stupid person would and if you think like a stupid person would... My friend, then you are just being stupid. And you know what makes look even more stupid? When you write, with all your pompous stupidity, about something someone did WRONG and how you'd do it RIGHT, and then - given the chance - you make the same mistake or even a worse one. I'm fucking tired of reading "I am a great advice giver", "I am a great observer and pay attention to detail" or "I have been trough it all" and then you give terrible advice, miss a critical detail that blow in your face or you happen to be 10.

"So you're fucking perfect, huh?"

I never said I was. I just keep my "wisdom", if there's any, to myself and to anyone who asks. And if I ever go public I never go around saying what should have been done or what I would have done. Actually, if you read this blog, you'll find a lot of "this happened to be for not being more of an asshole" and none of "Gee man, same thing happened to me. Here's the thing..." I only do that if someone ASK me for advice.You know why? Because I'm not a philosopher, I'm just a simple human being. And so are you... Only you're more stupid than me.

I should bring back the lyrics... How this one for this post?

HOLIER THAN THOU LYRICS - METALLICA
NO MORE!!!
The crap rolls out your mouth again
Haven't changed, your brain is still gelatin
Little whispers circle around your head
Why don't you worry about yourself INSTEAD!!!

Who are you? where ya been? where ya from?
Gossip burning on the tip of your tongue
You lie so much you believe yourself
Judge not l'est ye be judged yourself

Holier than thou
You are
Holier than thou
You are

You know not

Before you judge me take a look at you
Can't you find something better to do
Point the finger, slow to understand
Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand

It's not you are it's who you know
Others lives are the basis of your own
Burn your bridges and build them back with wealth
Judge not l'est ye be judged yourself

Holier than thou
You are
Holier than thou
You are

You know not

Yeah who the hell are you?
Hey yo

Holier than thou
You are
Holier than thou
You are

You know not

NOT!!!

Winter is coming...

... and it starts June 12, this year. The first two armies to clash will be House Canarinho - winners of five wars - and House Vatreni, hailing from Slavic lands. They will meet in the Arena de São Paulo. That will be only the first of 64 heart felt clashes of titans.

As of right now, as I am typing this, there is only 49 days and 13 hours until it starts.

So, if you consider yourself my friend, and have no idea how to behave around me during that time... I, Lord Guaji, Son of Fuenma, of House Metal, First of my Name, Keeper of the Book of Heberto and Warden of Los Naranjos give thee some guidelines:

1. Either watch the damn war or at least read something about it so that we have something to talk about.
2. If there's a battle going on, I WILL NOT be available.
3. During the war, if you're in my house, the TV will be showing The War. Only The War. All the time.
4. If you have to walk in front of me while I'm watching one of the battles, please feel free to do so... in all fours. Do not obstruct my view in anyway.
5. While I'm watching a battle I am deaf. I will not listen to you unless it's the time in which the soldiers pause to take a break. You have something to say about the battle itself? Prove yourself knowledgeable in the matter first, then you may do so.
6. If you come to my house, bring ale.
7. If you see me upset because House Nationalmannschaft is loosing a battle, do not try to cheer me up. I will not lighten up, IT IS NOT A GAME!
8. The replays are as important as the live feed. I WILL watch them. Over and over again.

Well, 8 commandments. That's two less than the Carpenter gave you, so call me merciful. But I do have the right to make more of these up if the need arises.

Truly yours:
Guaji

Impostor

When I was a kid, maybe 10 years old, I was playing with some other kids in my Grandma's house. We were disusing folk ghost tales, and this one kid was all like "Yeah, El Carreton is the worse"... Now, I'm sure I would have freaked out if not for one fact: What the fuck is a Carreton? So this kid goes on saying what the dude was and it was scary, at least for a "maybe 10 years old" kid like me. I've always been skeptic, so I told him "Sauce or GTFO".... Well, actually I told him "Where did you came up with that?", because it sounded too cool to be made up, so he comes and says "My brother has a Gillman tape that's filled with these kind of stories". Gillman, huh? I'll check it out.

Wrong. Thing. To do.

Like I said, I was like 10. And back then metal was bad. Let me tell you how bad. Metal = Drugs. Metal = Violence. Metal = Satanic Sects. Funny fact: My parents always told me to beware of those, but they did SUCH a bad job that I had no idea what to be on the look out for! I had no idea what Satanic meant, and I had no idea what a Sect was. So if some guy came offering me candy I might have took it, because he was obviously not a Satanic Sect, he was a human being. Anyhow... My parents intervened and well, after hours of lecturing that I though stupid because I had done NOTHING wrong, I just listened to a couple of songs, it was no more metal for me.

They. Fucking. Lost.

My mom has a aunt, and this lovely lady has 4 sons that are between 6 and 10 years older than me; and they were a big influence in my life, because my parents were always like "Look at Rafael, he's doing great at school", or "Look at Domingo, he lives in Caracas and still calls to talk to his mother", so I kind of look up to them, AND WITH GOOD REASON, they really are exemplary human being. But that backfired, because a couple of years after the "Metal = Eternal Damnation" speech, I was hanging out with them, and guess what kind of music they liked? I'll tell you: Collective Soul, Nirvana, Red Hot Chili Peppers... So little by little I came to find out about KoRn, Limp Bizkit, Metallica, Megadeth and so on and so forth. And then it hit me... Wha... Wait... It's coming to me... There's a guy.... El Carreton!... GILLMAN!!

Fuck. Yeah.

This guy was the real deal. I mean all that Soda Stereo, Zapato 3... All nice, but it was not my thing. This guy was a true Metal Head, a real rebel, a "Warrior", like one of his songs said. They guy rocked hard, and he sings in Spanish! Wow, a Spanish speaking Metal Head! And he wrote songs like this one.

Then this fucker does something like this. (Read the link, please. It's in Spanish)

"Oh, Guaji, but you have to understand, everyone is allowed to have an opinion in politics"

Fuck. You.

And fuck him. That is not what this is about. You can have all the faith you want in whatever the fuck you like, but you do not talk trash about politicians just to turn around and then become a kiss ass of one of such said being, that is betraying your convictions, that's what it is. Besides, politicians are not people to be loved, they are people either aspiring to, or with a job that's about the administration of a Country, or a tiny piece of one. Now... Let's say you have a business, and you hire a guy, and they guy fucks up, turns out he's not the guy for the job. What do you do? You fire the guy, because your business is suffering for it right? Same goes with Presidents, Governors, Mayors, Congressmen and so on and so forth. So if/when Leopoldo Lopez, or Capriles takes the presidency, and they fuck up even a little bit you WILL listen to me saying what kind of assholes I think they are... Just as you've heard me talk trash about Manuel Rosales, Pablo Perez and Eveling de Rosales... Stupid assholes saying that one guy in power for too long is bad when that old fart did 2 terms Mayor, 2 terms Governor, ran for President and then came back to Mayor while running his right hand man for Governor and, later, his wife for Mayor. Stupid.

Why am I writing this? I am truly ashamed of listening to Gillman. I've got his music on my iPod and I never play it. I'm ashamed of saying I've banged my head to him. I never went to a Gillmanfest. I know you were always kind of "de izquierda", you did write songs like Victima de la Sociedad (Victim of Society)... But one thing is being "de izquierda" and another one is being blind to the truth and a become a turn coat. "This is wrong" then, a couple of years and a truck load of money later, you're all "This is amazing". And the worse thing is... This Maduro guy is not Chavez, man.

You said it yourself man: "El tiempo descubre a los impostores" (Time tells on impostors).

And yes, those things published there, those tweets are old. And his support for those in power is old news. But Levantate y Pelea (Stand Up and Fight) is 30 years old this year. And now, more than ever, hurts to listen to that. Specially since I really like that song.